Horoscope?

igoogle's horoscope might just be sound advice...

Optimism fades into realism today as your big ideas collide with a serious dose of the truth. You weren't purposefully avoiding the facts; it's just that some of them were hidden from your view. Now, finally, you get to see what you were missing, and it's enough to make you doubt your previous wisdom. But don't be too hard on yourself if you didn't know then what you know now. Just make the best choices possible in the present moment and get on with your life.

I'm On A Boat, err... Plane!

Right now I am writing to you from approximately 31,000 (FL310) feet in the sky. I am on American Airlines flight #1848, Seattle to Dallas. My final destination is set for San Antonio.

OK, I used to always say that I did not like the idea of inflight wi-fi. I felt that flying was my "me" time with no bosses, no friends, no hassels. Just me and my thoughts, some drinks and maybe a chatty seat mate.

Well, Gogo InFlight Wifi has changed my mind!! For one, my flight is going by super fast. Two, I am actually getting work and personal things done! I mean, if I am going to sit here for three hours, might as well be productive, right?

This morning started out early. I woke up, finished packing and then the car service was here at 7:30. It was a limo. Usually I get a town car but apparently they were in use or something. No complaints from me.

Apparently it is HOT in San Antonio. 103 is the high today and tomorrow and the next week are not too far behind. Oh well, drinks by the pool can cool a girl down. So can an air-conditioned spa.

I'll be back in Seattle for a few days on the 1st. Until then...

My life is too random

So, it's late. I live in the downtown part of a major city and it's warm out. I have my windows open and I hear the woo's and the of girls leaving the bars on First Ave. Car doors are slamming and I am pretty sure a crackhead is peeing in my alley.

I am eating hasbrowns because that was about the only thing in my freezer that sounded OK. I had a piece of pizza at Belltown Pizza, but that wasn't enough. It was not hunger, as it's too hot to be hungry. It's more to help me sober up, as I drank too much.

My night was crazy. Red Wings meet up at Buckley's, shots at Del Rey, Belltown meetup at Rob Roy, Del Rey again for party, dancing, drinking, whatever. Belltown Pizza for late night food.

I wish I could get more into it, but it's too much for now. Maybe tomorrow I'll blog about my events.

I need to say this thought. Today was the first time I realized... I do not need Ryan in my life... Part of me is sad about that but most of me is OK with it. It's important. I feel like me again, finally. Hope this feeling stays.

Oh, I give mass hugs when I am drunk???

Thoughts

I've been thinking a lot lately. Mostly, I have a lot more time alone which forces you to think.

Break ups are hard, and it seems the older I get the harder they get. I consider my relationship with Ryan my first real adult relationship. While I have had relationships, serious relationships even, in the past 9 years (18 is adult, right?) I suppose I have never considered myself an adult until recently.

I am 27 now, I moved to Seattle when I was 25, almost 26. The plan always was to move here eventually. I lived the previous 25 years of my life not getting too comfortable in Michigan, or any other place I had lived, as it was just temporary. I suppose I was waiting for my "real life" to begin.

Today has been three weeks since we have spoken. Three weeks since he cut communication. It's hard, really hard. My subconscious has not caught up yet, as we are still together in my dreams. People tell me that will stop soon, I hope they are right.

In February, I decided to start birth control again. The Nuva Ring was my choice as it was what I was on in the past, actually from 2003-2007. I kind of remembered the first few months was a bit emotional for me, but then it passed, and I do not remember it being that bad.

Well, this time, it was bad. So bad that I am now synthetic hormone free (for 2 weeks now). I feel like a total different person. I cannot even explain it, but it was like from Feb-May I was angry, had a short fuse, confused, cried everyday for no reason, had crazy crazy crazy emotional outbursts. It was pure hell. I lived in my own hell.

Now that I have a sense of normalcy again I am finding myself filled with feelings of embarrassment, guilt, regret and disbelief that I was that person for three months. I also have a feeling my actions have a lot to do with the ending of my relationship.

I have hope that everything will be OK in time. I just wish that time would come sooner than later. I really wish my dreams would catch up with my reality.

Changing Directions

I have been horribly neglecting this blog. Honestly, it's twitter's fault. If I were the graph making type, one would notice that the more I tweet, the less I blog. Plus, does anyone really have the attention span to read more than 140 characters anymore?

I have been going through some massive and difficult life changes. It happens, I am starting to accept it.

I am not one for horoscopes, but my igoogle page (which I never access) happens to show me a Libra overview. I cannot even tell you the last time I read it, but today I happened to read mine, and it kind of made me feel better?

Here is what it said:

"It might feel as if an era is coming to a close today, but it's really not anything that big. Still, your life is changing as you respond to the cooling of someone's energy. Keep in mind that everything goes through phases. Allow others the personal space to retreat emotionally without turning the situation into a melodrama based on your fear of abandonment."

Seriously, this is what I am feeling today, and my own words could not have said it better...